Good. Mary-fucking. God. Now we skin muppets for something other than fugly knitting, apparently. It’s got shag carpet (to cover your “shag carpet”), sequins AND giant pot smoker/Rohypnol-dosed eyes. The dress itself looks depressed at its existence. Look how sad those eyes are. They’re begging you to just burn the garment and get it over with. I don’t even know how to fully articulate just how mind-blowingly hideous this confusedly crafted chimera is. It looks like the model is hiding beard-length pubic hair beneath that yarny mess and a gun behind her back that she’s going to give a loving, passionate blowjob to after the shoot. At the very least, the skirt-portion constitutes a fire hazard. Not to mention the fact that, between the heavily made-up eyes and what appears to be muppet feathers atop said eyes, i think i know what happened to Big Bird’s prostitute mother.
This is the last one that’s not going to completely burn your eyes out, so just be prepared. As far as this design goes, all i have to say is…AMUHRICUH!!!!!!! Also, leggings are not pants. Oh yeah, and somebody doesn’t know how to use the focusing ring (or, oh i don’t know, the fucking AUTO FOCUS) on their DSLR.
Now, at a distance, i thought this one would be okay. “Hooray!” i thought to myself. “I found another halfway-decent one!” Then i clicked the listing link. Nope. Those are something actually resembling gumballs on the bottom. Which is actually worse than one of the biggest no-nos in the knitting world (bobbles, for fuck’s sake, bobbles). Then one also notices that the fishbowl portion of the gumball machine design is actually a sealed plastic pouch filled with—wait for it—MORE FUCKING “GUMBALLS!” Why? What would make one think this is a good idea?
So i “enter” the seller’s shop and the very first thing that catches my eye is…this…thing. It looks like it was made for—and might conceivably be cute on—a six-year-old. If you, as an adult woman or man, choose to wear this, i fully believe that you have a comparable mental age. Now, have have dealt with men with a surprising affinity for Disney Princesses in the past, but this is different. That was awesome. This is not. It just isn’t.
I was browsing the Etsy this morning and came across this dress, which i think is rather slinky and awesome. So, i understandably clicked the shop to see what else the designer had for sale and was immediately thrown into a pit of horror. I will link to the sellers page on this post because i enjoy this dress and i want to give credit—however, on the following posts, i will do no such citing because the following posts are not very kind to the designer and i’m not a dick.
[via CoyotePeyote on Etsy]